Hey-o! I is back and today we got an interview with John from John’s Tainted Fantasy. If you follow my blog then you know he’s my friend and I talk about him a lot. So, what better way for you to get to know him than by an interview. John identifies as a gay man (him/his) and is very open about it. He let me interview about his personal experience as a gay man and made it very clear I could ask anything so let’s see how it went.
Do you feel gay men are represented correctly?
-There could be better representation, whether it’s books, movies, tv shows or music videos. But looking back, and seeing how far we’ve come. I’d say it’s not perfect, but we’re being represented in some way.
How did you come out?
-I officially came out to a friend of mine, her name is Wanda, we were sitting on the steps of her house. And I just told her “I need to tell you something. To which she replied, “if you’re going to tell me you’re gay, I already know.” And after that, I just told people little by little.
Are you out to your whole family?
Did coming out affect your relationships with friends and family?
-My relationship with my family was already affected before I came out, but doing so definitely created an even bigger wedge between us, especially with my dad.
What advice would you give to those that are ready to come out and to those trying to accept themselves?
-Don’t be scared to talk to your friends. Don’t be scared of your doubts, of your insecurities. And when you do decide to talk about it, don’t let anyone force their opinions on you. Love yourself. Be proud of yourself. Most importantly, don’t ever feel like you’re worthless. Because you matter.
What advice would you give to those guys that are questioning whether they’re straight or gay?
-Take all the time you need. If you don’t want to talk to anyone, that’s ok. But whatever you do, don’t ever feel bad about it.
How do you cope with the fact that your sexual orientation is being frowned upon?
-I guess is the way we focus on things, or better said, what we decide to focus on. Personally, I focus my energy on the good. The fact that we can get married in many more states now. Or how we can adopt. How we help the younger generation fight and not give up. I can’t focus on the fact that it’s frowned upon because, at the end of the day, people will always find something to frown at.
Have you ever wished to be straight?
-Around the age of 19, I remember having a breakdown and crying and wishing that I were straight. Because straight people didn’t have to deal with as much rejection as we gay people do. The more I grew and the more I learned I regretted wishing that. Because, why would I wish to be something I’m not when I’m fabulous just the way I am?
Is there one thing you miss about being closeted?
Have you experienced any hate?
-Yes. Sadly, in many ways.
What is something you wish straight people knew and understand?
-That we’re literally the same. We just love the same sex. That we truly didn’t choose to be who we are, but we embraced it and learned to love who we grew to be. That our fight is not over. That we have the same struggles, bills, Jobs, lack of sex, worries, goals, and achievements.
How do you feel about the people who feel like representation isn’t important?
-In a way, I understand where some of them might come from. But, to them I say this, did you see how the black community felt when Black Panther came out? Their joy? Their happiness? How they were glowing? That my friends is why representation is important.
What is one thing you would love for people to stop saying about gay men?
-That all of us know about fashion, hair, and makeup.
What is one stereotype you hate or doesn’t make sense to you?
-“Gay men recruit children” like, pardon my French, WHAT THE FUCK? I hate that. I hate when I hear it. I hate how it makes me feel.
How do you feel about the stereotype that gay people are fashion icons or that just because a person acts, dress or looks a certain way they must be gay.
-It’s a bit ridiculous. That’s like saying, oh she’s a lesbian? She must know how to fix a car. Or she’s extremely manly. Even saying it sounds ridiculous.
Is there anything you would like to say or ask homophobic people?
-A million things. But I would start out with this, “if our roles were reversed and every straight person in the world was gay, and every gay person was straight, would you like someone to treat you the way we’re being treated?”
Have you ever dealt with homophobic people?
-Many times, at work. At school and as sad and as heartbreaking as it is, at home. My father was the most homophobic person I knew. It’s taken basically my whole life, to get to where we are today. It hasn’t been easy, but it wasn’t impossible.
How do you feel about the laws that they want to impose that allows people to judge, fired, and discriminate against those from the queer community?
-I am a firm believer that, your sex, the color of your skin, your weight, your height, your tattoos, your hair color, etc. Does not define the quality of a person. I’ve met the trashiest gay people, but I’ve also met the most loving and caring. My sexuality has nothing to do with how I am as a person. And people telling me that I can get fired for being gay? It breaks my heart. Now even more than ever. To think that what happened in Stonewall can soon be for nothing? I just feel horrible about it.
How do you feel about same-sex adoption? Would you ever adopt a baby?
-I feel extremely happy about it! It’s one of the most glorious things that has happened in our community. I can’t wait to adopt! I just need to have something things taken care of first and the rest is history.
So, you’re into the drag world. Is there a misconception that you wish you could erase?
-You know, a few years ago I would’ve said yes. But by learning about the art of drag, is better to educate than to erase.
What is your drag name? Does your family and friends support this?
-It’s mouth full, are you ready? My drag name is Deysha Richardsson Poisonlips of The House D’Vour. My friends support it. My family, well only my mom.
Is there any queer book you love/adore and would recommend?
-I think you know the answer to this one. Without a doubt, I love/adore and would recommend “Simon Vs The Homo Sapiens Agenda”.
Is there a queer movie or tv show that you adore and wish more people would watch?
-There’s a few.
•Prayers For Bobby
•Boys Don’t Cry
•The Mathew Sheppard Story
What is your favorite queer couple and character in movies, books or show and why? If there’s a huge spoiler then well bleep the name.
•Lito & Hernando from Sense8
•Jaques & Blue (avoiding spoilers here)
I mean, they’re so imperfect that they’re perfect.
Wil, I want to thank you for lending me your platform and for giving me a chance to reach more people out there.
Well, that is all for today. I hope you enjoyed the interview and the #queerpostsbyqueerpeople which will be extended. I am overwhelmed with the love and participation of other queer people on this and I do not want to exclude anyone which is why I’m extending it until every post is up. I hope you enjoyed it and stay tuned for Sunday’s new post.